Making friends at university

Starting university can bring new routines, people and places. Making friends may take time, and it does not have to begin with a big gesture. A short conversation or a shared activity can be a useful first step.

A fresh start can feel unfamiliar

Mei steps onto a busy university campus with a new student card, a timetable and a bag full of books. People are walking in every direction. Some are laughing with friends. Others are already sitting together in groups.

Mei smiles at a few people, then finds an empty seat in the corner of the cafeteria. The campus is full of people, yet she feels alone. She expected classes to be difficult. She did not expect meeting people to feel difficult too.

Mei is a fictional student. Her experience reflects a common transition: university routines, timetables and living arrangements can be different from school. Some students are also adjusting to a new place or studying in a second language.

People differ in how they read facial expressions, tone of voice and indirect invitations. If a social cue is unclear, asking a direct question can help make the situation easier to understand. That does not mean you need to change who you are to make friends.

Start with one conversation

The next morning, Mei turns to the student sitting next to her before a lecture and says, “Hi, I’m Mei. Are you taking this subject too?” They talk briefly about the lecturer and the assignment. It is a short conversation, but it gives Mei a friendly face to look for next time.

A first conversation does not need to be impressive. You could ask about a class, the campus or an assignment, then listen and share a little about yourself. Good conversation gives both people time to speak.

Try a simple opener

You might ask, “What did you think of today’s class?” or “Have you started the project yet?” A question about something you both share can make it easier to begin.

Take your time

If English is not your first language, use simple words and take your time. You can ask someone to repeat what they said or speak more slowly. For example: “I didn’t catch that. Could you say it again?” You do not need perfect English to show interest in another person.

Find shared interests and familiar routines

After a few conversations, Mei notices that one classmate enjoys drawing. Mei likes drawing too, so she joins an art society. Another student might prefer badminton, music, volunteering, cooking or gaming. A shared interest gives people something easy to talk about.

Choose an activity you would enjoy attending again. Returning to the same group gives you more chances to see familiar people and continue a conversation. You do not need to wait for a friend to go with you. You could attend for a short time, learn where things are and leave when you need a break.

Make an invitation clear and low-pressure

When Mei feels comfortable with her classmate, she asks, “Would you like to have lunch at the campus café after our Thursday class?” A simple plan makes the invitation clear and gives the other person a choice. If they say yes, agree on a time and place.

If you both want to stay in touch, ask whether you may exchange contact details. Send a short message about something you discussed, such as wishing them luck with a presentation or sharing details of a club meeting. Give them time to reply; a delayed response does not always tell you how someone feels.

If someone declines an invitation

Sometimes a person will say no. They may be busy, tired or interested in another activity. Feeling disappointed is understandable. You could say, “No problem. See you in class.”

If someone repeatedly declines and does not suggest another time, give them space and look for other people to connect with. One response does not decide your value.

Build friendships with respect and care

Keeping a friendship going can involve small acts of care: asking about something a friend mentioned, making time for a coffee or study session, and giving notice if plans need to change. If there is a misunderstanding, ask what happened before deciding what the other person meant.

Look for people who listen to you and respect your boundaries. You can say no to an activity that makes you uncomfortable, choose a quieter setting, or meet one person at a time. Taking a break is allowed.

Other students can help make campus life more welcoming too. You can invite someone to join your lunch table, explain plans clearly and give them time to reply. A quiet student may appreciate company even if starting a conversation feels difficult.

Find support on campus

If you would like help with the transition to university, contact your university’s student services. You could ask about mentoring, small-group activities or other transition support. A trusted friend, parent or mentor may also help you practise an introduction or think through a difficult conversation.

Choose one small next step

For Mei, friendship does not begin with a large group or a perfect conversation. It begins with one hello. Over the following weeks, she keeps showing up, asking questions and making small invitations. Some conversations end quickly; others become friendships. Each step gives her another chance to connect.

If you are starting university, choose one manageable step for your next class: greet someone you have spoken to before, ask one question or invite someone to sit with you at lunch. Friendship can grow through small actions repeated over time.

Grace Development Centre offers PEERS^® for Young Adults, with structured lessons and guided practice in friendship skills. Parents or caregivers take part as social coaches. Explore the programme or contact the centre to discuss whether it may be a suitable fit. You can also call +60 11-8888 6494, message us on WhatsApp, or email grace.devcentre@gmail.com.